Many people ignore these ‘early red flags’ in romance scams, says Harvard-trained psychologist - CNBC
Harvard-trained psychologist Sabrina Romanoff has identified five early warning signs that people often ignore in romance scams, which exploit desires for connection to extract money or sensitive information.
Most people desire romantic relationships that make them feel seen, understood and accepted. Romance scammers exploit this fundamental human need, manufacturing bonds quickly to gain access to money or sensitive information. As a clinical psychologist who has worked with couples and individuals for over a decade, Romanoff has observed that even the smartest people can be deceived by well-honed tactics designed to lower their defenses.
Genuine intimacy develops slowly through consistent action, shared experiences and mutual vulnerability. Scammers, conversely, rely on urgency, performed vulnerability and emotional shortcuts to achieve their goals. Romanoff outlines five specific red flags that indicate potential manipulation rather than authentic connection.
Emotional Mismatch
A common sign of emotional manipulation is a disconnect between what someone says and how they express it. Scammers might prematurely disclose deeply traumatic experiences without the natural hesitation, vulnerability or awkwardness that typically accompanies such sharing. Their delivery often feels artificial, too polished or comfortable when discussing personal details with someone they barely know.
You may be watching a performance designed to make you drop your guard and reciprocate. Because the disclosure is so heavy, many people feel guilty when doubt creeps in, so they will silence their concerns.
Rapid Escalation
Manipulators push for exclusivity with urgency, quickly using labels like 'soulmates' and discussing future plans such as trips, cohabitation or children within days or weeks. This isn't passion but a strategic tactic to bypass critical thinking skills. They flood targets with intense attention, communication and flattery, creating an emotional high that makes inconsistencies or warning signs easier to overlook.
Manufactured Crises
While all relationships face unexpected stressors, manipulators make drama and emergencies a core feature of their approach. These crises conveniently occur out of sight, preventing verification. Examples include canceled flights, bank problems or family emergencies requiring immediate assistance. These situations condition victims to adopt a rescuer role, normalizing financial or time commitments as tests of loyalty.
Isolation Tactics
Healthy partners gradually introduce you to their world—family, friends, routines. Scammers keep their lives seemingly out of reach, offering vague details about work and background while insisting on privacy. They weaponize this secrecy as protection for the relationship, preventing victims from seeing how they operate outside the scam dynamic. Secrecy is essential to maintaining manipulation schemes.
Intuition Suppression
When someone is attentive and says everything you want to hear, it's easy to dismiss intuitive concerns. Many ignore early red flags because they don't want to seem cynical, paranoid or ungrateful. Authentic relationships create feelings of safety and clarity over time, while manipulators leave victims feeling anxious, confused and rushed. Constant rationalization of contradictory behavior is a warning sign.
The best protection against romance scams is refusing to skip the foundational steps of building trust. Slow down new relationships, verify words with consistent action, and assess whether vulnerability feels genuine or rehearsed. Authentic connection never requires abandoning basic instincts to prove devotion.
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