‘You have to cope’: why don’t we hear of the ‘epidemic’ of women’s loneliness?

Despite a global loneliness crisis recognized by the World Health Organization, public attention remains overwhelmingly focused on men, with women experiencing similar rates of loneliness but facing unique gendered challenges. The phenomenon has been framed as a 'male loneliness epidemic' in media and policy discussions, even though research shows comparable prevalence between genders.

Michelle Lim, a principal research fellow at the University of Sydney and WHO adviser, notes the discrepancy: 'When I tell people that I study loneliness, sometimes they ask, 'Oh, men's loneliness?' I have to say, 'No, no – everyone's loneliness.''

Gendered experiences

Women are more likely to be carers than men, earn less on average, and are more vulnerable to adverse life events such as redundancy and divorce. These social disadvantages predispose women to more loneliness, making it an equity issue according to experts.

The Covid-19 pandemic highlighted this disparity, as women reported a much larger increase in loneliness due to increased workload from overseeing children's schooling. 'Spending more time on housework and caregiving not only means women have less time and ability to invest in their social connections; there is also likely to be the added loneliness of shouldering the burden,' explains Manuela Barreto, a professor of social and organisational psychology at the University of Exeter.

Health and motherhood

Women's loneliness is particularly influenced by health issues and life transitions. A 2022 Japanese study found an association between loneliness and severe premenstrual symptoms in teenage girls. Conditions like endometriosis are described as lonely experiences, worsened by lack of medical understanding.

For Sasha, a 38-year-old from Sydney, becoming a mother through IVF after multiple miscarriages was her first experience of loneliness. 'Miscarriage in particular, I recall as the loneliest of experiences,' she says. 'It's a type of grief that is really difficult for people who haven't been through it to understand.'

Social isolation

Women can feel lonely within friendships and relationships, particularly when their life circumstances differ from peers. Laura, a 41-year-old from Auckland, describes feeling 'shut out' when dining with school friends who exclusively discussed their children. 'It was a simultaneous feeling that no one was particularly interested in what might be going on for me in my life,' she explains.

Sexist stereotypes compound the issue, as Laura notes: 'A man alone is self-sufficient, taking this bold, brave step, versus a woman living alone is a failure, left on the shelf … a weird, unlovable spinster.' While men face their own gendered pressures of stoicism, women tend to internalize loneliness and 'get on with it,' potentially leading to underreporting of their struggles.